January 2012
4 posts
The next time I interview for a job, I'm going to...
Interviewer: What interests you about our company?
Me: I hate it and think it should be dismantled.
Interviewer: What are your primary qualifications for the job?
Me: I would systematically destroy your company.
Interviewer: Why do you want to destroy our company?
Me: Your company has a successful and diverse market line and a global presence. But when it was incorporated, the founders had envisioned a little mom and pop operation. I think we need to return to their vision.
Zach: This documentary has Dan Savage in it. Lily: Oh I adore Savage Love and most everything Dan Savage touches Lily: … like dicks.
Abdication of Duty
Rick Santorum is not a front runner.
Rick Santorum is the most recent in a series of anyone-but-Romney choices that the GOP voters have embraced for a very brief time before realizing that their pool of candidates is comprised of people less likable than the owners and proprietors of Paddy’s Pub. His near win in Iowa is more demonstrative of a game of musical chairs than a come-from-behind...
December 2011
3 posts
“Beyond the cryptic references presumably knowable only to Vernon and his...”
– Philip Sherburne discussing Bon Iver’s “Holocene” for Pitchfork’s Top 100 Tracks of 2011
How to Edit an Incredible Movie Trailer
1. Download a Johnny Cash song.
2. Place the Johnny Cash song on the timeline.
3. Edit the trailer.
You have now successfully edited an incredible movie trailer.
November 2011
4 posts
“I puked rainbows.”
– A dear friend describing her experience with DMT.
“Paul Thomas Anderson has referred to “Punch-Drunk Love” as “an...”
– From the concluding paragraph of Roger Ebert’s 2002 review for the film Punch-Drunk Love, in which he fails to accurately predict the future.
October 2011
2 posts
“…When I’m playing [Batman: Arkham City] by myself, I’m often asking the...”
– Tycho Brahe (Jerry Holkins) of Penny Arcade talking up the new Batman game.
“I’m terrified of the U.S., as much as I kind of desperately want to live...”
– Favorite Swede
September 2011
9 posts
1 tag
“To the kid who we hope now permanently talks with a rasp: When you act like a...”
– Joystiq writer Justin McElroy addressing the 13-year-old child who was nearly choked to death by a 46-year-old man who tracked him down after being taunted mercilessly in an online game.
5 tags
Apparently Putin's Real Life is Some Sort of... →
August 2011
4 posts
“I was a drum major for justice, peace and righteousness.”
– From the MLK memorial which opened in DC today.
Feeling the Tug
Between Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Google+, I’m starting to feel stretched thin. There’s a certain art to determining what thoughts go where, and which ones will be repeated across multiple networks. I can’t help but wonder if the drive to share comes from the hope that imaginary throngs of people are secretly hanging onto my words—and that I should appeal to their...
July 2011
16 posts
“Many political analysts have expressed doubt regarding Bachmann’s...”
– The Onion, rewarding me for reading the whole article.
“What is an episode of Entourage with a decent story, some real stakes, and a...”
– Steve Heisler, Onion AV Club Review of the premier of the last season of Entourage
"Few people have the capacity to pull off a master... →
I’m rarely more engaged in a New York Times article than I was when I read that sentence.
“I’m not going to take money from old people and screw students.”
– President Obama in response to GOP deficit-reduction proposals which would cut aid to seniors and change the way students repay their college loans, while leaving tax rates static for the obscenely rich.
Macro Economics
When I hear people complain about eliminating coal power because of the jobs that will be lost, I can’t help but think that in 1860 someone was whining that if we free all the slaves, there will be no more work for slave drivers. It’s sad and all, but maybe we can live in a world where nobody has to go into a deadly mine for an inefficient, environment-killing rock.
Let’s get...
Class and Comfort
I’m not really a fashionable guy. I have a personal drive for self betterment that spans across many fields of learning and achievement. My success in these categories of interest can be surmised to fall somewhere between “very” and “flailing”. However, to this day I have been incapable of working up the passion for clothing that would be necessary to ever be taken...
June 2011
7 posts
My bathroom has a mirror right above the toilet, in case I’m ever curious how normal I look when I’m peeing.
ANSWER: As normal as one can look.
You are not actually a journalist if you begin every entertainment news story concerning Harry Potter by finding some way to refer to your audience as muggles.
It’s likely that no matter where you work, you work with some assholes. You probably work with a disproportionate number of assholes than those that you encounter outside of your work experience. This is because the humiliating process of job seeking requires that you talk about yourself in superlative language that’s typically a sure-fire barometer of someone’s asshole-ocity....
1 tag
The easiest thing I do in a day is believe in you. Well… that and pooping.
Every questions is a “got ya” question when you don’t know anything.
“He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our...”
– Sarah Palin, retelling the tale of Paul Revere. The intricacies of American legend versus American historical fact are to be debated, but I think it’s safe to say that this is inferior to even a 7th grade civics class understanding of the event—or a 3rd grade construction of a sentence.
May 2011
5 posts
Your Denial of Racism Comes Off Pretty Damn Racist →
I get so sick of conservatives trying to claim that they are the victims of “reverse racism.” They’re called out for their coded racism (and they’re not-so-coded racism) and then pretend that they are the ones who are being judge by an unfair standard.
I take great exception to Mr. Steele’s contention that John McCain lost to Obama because McCain was viewed through a...